


i forget all that i've been taught

by onceuponanevilangel



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, Hogwarts Era, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Pre-Relationship, Sneaking Out, canon can fight me i'm just here for a laugh, enemies to lovers sort of, that's kind of the vibe here, you know that tumblr post about the girl who wrote a note that said 'get out of my school'?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-22 13:43:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21303035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onceuponanevilangel/pseuds/onceuponanevilangel
Summary: "The figure on the pitch was in the air, flying low enough that they wouldn’t be easily noticed from the castle, and chasing after a quaffle that had been enchanted to zoom around the pitch on its own. The figure was wearing a cloak with the hood pulled up over their head, but even so, Lily could see the very end of a blonde braid peeking out. It had to be Narcissa."Of course the one time Lily sneaks out of the castle after hours, she runs into the one person who just has to make her life more complicated.
Relationships: Narcissa Black Malfoy/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 7
Kudos: 28





	i forget all that i've been taught

**Author's Note:**

> I know canonically Narcissa's at least, like, five years older than Lily and co., but I took some liberties with that and with some other little things because--and I cannot stress this enough--I do not care about canon. At all. I'm here for my own personal lesbian wish fulfillment and that's it.
> 
> This is un-betaed and was mostly written late at night, so sorry for any mistakes.

_And I'm caught_   
_I forget all that I've been taught_   
_I can't keep calm, I can't keep still_   
_Pulled apart against my will_

-"Caught," Florence and the Machine

* * *

For all of her misgivings about it for the better part of the last six years, Lily had to admit that sneaking out of the castle late at night was a little bit thrilling. There was a certain freedom of knowing that everyone else was asleep while she was roaming the lawns with just the stars and the late-September breeze to keep her company.

It also didn’t hurt her confidence to know that she had an excuse already on her lips, ready to go just in case she got caught: she was on an errand for Professor Slughorn. A seventh-year Slytherin had very nearly blown himself to bits in potions last week, and he had taken most of the supplies cabinet with him. The only reason Lily was out in the forest after curfew was to collect some datura blossoms. They were extremely toxic and they only bloomed at night in a specific clump of bushes just past the quidditch pitch, and Lily was the only student Slughorn trusted enough to gather them properly.

It was only partially a lie. Lily _was _gathering datura blossoms, and she likely _was _the only student who could do it safely, but they weren’t for Slughorn, and they _definitely _weren’t for the students’ supply cabinet, but Lily was sure that on the off-chance she had to take it that far, Slughorn would back her up. There were definitely some perks to being one of the professor’s favorites sometimes.

Her task was fairly easy, and aside from running into Remus Lupin in the common room, she had managed to get out of the castle and to the forest, find the datura plants, and collect the blossoms she needed without incident. In fact, she was starting to almost wish that something would happen just to make the whole experience a little more exciting.

She should have known better than to even think about that, though, because next thing she knew, she heard a noise in the distance and she froze.

There were leaves crunching somewhere from the direction of the castle, footsteps coming across the grass, getting steadily closer. She ducked behind the closest tree and pulled her wand out of her bag, holding it tight, but not daring to light it yet. Her pulse was pounding in her ears and she had to fight to keep her breath steady. She wasn’t sure how long she stayed frozen like that, but eventually she realized that she couldn’t hear anything anymore, and another moment after that, she finally decided to chance a peek around the tree. With a final shaky breath and the disarming charm already halfway to her lips, she rounded the tree trunk and came face-to-face with absolutely no one.

She didn’t move at first. Her heart was beating fast, and she didn’t lower her wand until she caught a flash of movement out of the corner of her eye near the quidditch pitch.

There was someone on the pitch.

Lily spun on her heel and crouched down to rummage through her bag. She didn’t dare light her wand, which made it all the harder to find the single scrap of parchment that Remus had given her when he saw her tiptoeing past the common room fire.

_If you’re going to sneak out alone you should at least know what you’re doing_, he’d said.

No one had ever said there weren’t perks to having connections to the most notorious troublemakers in their year, Lily thought as she finally found the right piece of parchment. She glanced over her shoulder one last time before she tapped it with the tip of her wand and whispered the spell Remus had taught her. “I solemnly swear I am up to no good.”

She could see ink bleeding across the page, but it was too dark to make much out until she lit the tip of her wand. She set the map on the ground in front of her so that she could cup her free hand over her wand to block most of the light from advertising her location. It took her a moment to find herself at the very edge of the map, and from there it was easy enough to find the quidditch pitch and the little dot inside it.

Narcissa Black?

No, that couldn’t be right. Lily leaned closer and squinted at the map; surely she was just reading it wrong. Narcissa Black out of bounds by herself so late at night? That hardly seemed likely. Her instincts insisted that maybe the map just wasn’t as good as Remus had made it out to be. But then again…

Merlin help her, Remus and company were really rubbing off on her.

She cleared the map and shoved it back into her bag as she got to her feet and started off towards the pitch. She kept her wand lit just long enough to make it out of the trees, but extinguished it before she reached the lawn. She kept it in her hand, though, and she kept to the shadows cast by the empty stands as she got close.

The figure on the pitch was in the air, flying low enough that they wouldn’t be easily noticed from the castle, and chasing after a quaffle that had been enchanted to zoom around the pitch on its own. The figure was wearing a cloak with the hood pulled up over their head, but even so, Lily could see the very end of a blonde braid peeking out. It had to be Narcissa.

Not that she would ever admit it out loud for fear of being driven out of Gryffindor house as a traitor, but Lily had never really understood the appeal of quidditch. Perhaps it was a holdover from her muggle upbringing, or perhaps it had something to do with her own distaste for heights, or perhaps it was just that she wished James Potter would shut about it for more than five minutes at a time. No matter what it was, though, Lily had never really paid much attention to flying once she passed her first year.

Which was why she didn’t understand why she was finding it so hard to tear herself away from the pitch.

In theory, Lily had always understood that flying could be beautiful, but Narcissa was putting it into effortless practice with loops and dives and turns the likes of which Lily had never seen in person before. Each time she caught up to the quaffle, Narcissa would toss it away and it would change its pattern, seeming to get more and more difficult each time. It was an impressive bit of magic, and Lily was mesmerized just watching.

She was hardly paying attention to how long she was standing there, but eventually the wind started to pick up, and even drawing her cloak tighter around her did little to ward off the chill. There were clouds rolling in, and the air was growing heavy with the threat of rain. Lily was just starting to gather her wits about her again and slip back up to the castle while she still could, but the quaffle was rising in the air and Narcissa was following it, circling higher and higher until she was almost level with the goal hoops. The next thing Lily knew, the quaffle dropped straight down like a rock and Narcissa flattened herself against her broomstick as she dived after it.

Lily watched with baited breath as Narcissa stretched out her hand for the quaffle, her fingers spread like that would help her reach it. The ground was coming up fast and then at the last second, the quaffle darted to the side and rocketed up into the air again. Narcissa pulled her broom up sharply, but it wasn’t quite enough, and she hit the ground hard on her left side. Lily couldn’t hold in her gasp.

That was her first mistake.

Narcissa had already been getting to her feet, but she froze and glared in Lily’s general direction. In one fluid movement, she pulled her wand out of her boot and brandished it in front of her.

“Lumos,” she said. The tip of her wand lit up and she started to take a halting step in Lily’s direction.

The sensible thing to do in this situation was probably to stay still and wait for Narcissa to assume that she had just been hearing things. Or better yet, she could have just done the sensible thing and gone straight back to the castle after she was finished in the forest, and then she wouldn’t even been in this situation.

But she was, and her heart was beating fast in her chest as Narcissa took another slow step forward. If she got any closer, Lily was sure she would be seen. She bit her lip hard and tried to duck behind the stands, but her bag caught on a loose nail and a horrible ripping sound tore through the stillness of the night, and just as Lily tried to hide, she heard Narcissa shout, “Locomotor mortis!”

Next thing Lily knew, her legs went numb and felt like they were stuck together. She just managed to get her arms out in front of her in time to keep her face from hitting the ground. She rolled over just as Narcissa was storming toward her, fury apparent in her icy blue eyes, brandishing her wand like a knife.

“_Evans?!_” Narcissa blinked like she wasn’t sure she was seeing right, but she regained her composure quickly. “What the bloody hell are you doing out here?”

“I could ask you the same question,” Lily snapped.

“You’re the one spying on me.”

“You’re out alone after curfew and breaking probably at least five other rules.”

“So are you,” Narcissa said.

“I have permission.”

Narcissa scoffed.

“I’m also a prefect and if you don’t let me up this second I’ll scream.”

Narcissa seemed to consider the situation for a moment, and just as Lily was starting to get scared that Narcissa was going to call her bluff, she heard a muttered counter-curse and the invisible bands around her legs eased until Lily could get to her feet. She grabbed her bag and muttered a quiet “Reparo,” to mend her bag before she started hunting on the ground for her scattered belongings.

“You’re welcome,” Narcissa said pointedly.

“For what?” Lily asked without looking at her. “For cursing me? Because if that’s what you’re hoping for, you’re going to be very disappointed.”

Narcissa rolled her eyes and stalked away from Lily, back across the pitch to pick up her discarded broom, inspecting it closely just in case her impromptu landing had scuffed the handle or—Merlin forbid—bent a twig.

“I’m fine by the way,” Lily called. “Thanks for the concern.”

Narcissa rounded on Lily again. “Why were you spying on me?”

“I wasn’t spying on you,” Lily snapped. “I was gathering datura blossoms. I need for them a potions project and they only bloom at night.” She dug around in her bag and pulled out the carefully-folded packet of white flowers. “See?” Narcissa leaned closer to inspect them like she still wasn’t convinced. “Careful,” Lily warned. “They’re pretty toxic.”

Narcissa wrinkled her nose and straightened up to her full height, which was just a hair shorter than Lily, and although Lily couldn’t see in the moonlight, she was pretty sure she noticed a flush coloring Narcissa’s pale cheeks.

“So I told you my business, now you tell me yours,” Lily said. “What are you doing out here? You’re not even on the Slytherin team, are you?”

Narcissa lifted her chin so she could glare down her nose at Lily.

“If you _must _know, I’m practicing for chaser tryouts,” she said.

“Seems little late to be holding tryouts,” Lily said. “Isn’t your first match next week?”

“The position opened rather unexpectedly.”

“Did you hex it open?”

Narcissa bristled. “_Excuse me_?”

“Relax, Black,” Lily said. “It was a joke. I heard about what happened to Avery. Slughorn had to cancel lessons last week. He was still trying to get the scorch marks off the walls.” She offered a hesitant half-smile, and that seemed to put Narcissa…not at ease, perhaps, but definitely not as guarded as before.

“Yes, well, he’s expected to make a full recovery, but in the meantime, we have matches to win,” Narcissa said.

“And you can’t just practice in the daylight like a normal person because…”

“That’s none of your business.”

“It is if you don’t want me to report you.”

Lily wasn’t generally a fan of pulling rank on anyone, but she couldn’t bring herself to feel bad about it. Not when Narcissa was being so deliberately secretive and when her blue eyes seemed so much more nervous than angry and there was still a bit of grass in her hair from her fall, so bright green against the blonde of her hair in the moonlight, and _Merlin’s beard_, Lily had to get a grip on herself.

If Narcissa thought anything was strange, though, she didn’t show it. She just rolled her eyes. “Sports have never been highly encouraged in my family,” she said sharply. “I’ve had to practice and I’m not exactly partial to being gawked at.” That last bit was aimed pointedly at Lily, but she didn’t react.

“Fair enough,” Lily said. Narcissa looked taken aback at that, so Lily continued. “You’re at a disadvantage to everyone around you and you feel stupid having to work at something that everyone else seems to just know how to do. I know the feeling.”

Narcissa’s frosty expression seemed to melt, and she seemed on the verge of saying something else, but before she could, there was a rumble of thunder in the distance, and then the skies seemed to open up, slowly at first, but by the time Lily had registered it, it was pouring, soaking through her clothes and chilling her to the bone in an instant.

Narcissa cursed under her breath and turned back to the pitch where the quaffle seemed to have finally realized there was no one chasing it anymore, and it was just hovering lazily over Narcissa’s broom. “Accio,” Narcissa said. The quaffle and the broom both zoomed towards her and she caught them both easily. It wasn’t until she turned back around that Lily realized she still hadn’t moved.

“What are you waiting for?” Narcissa called. She turned on her heel and started running back towards the castle. Lily took off after her. She caught up to her quickly, her bag thumping against her thigh and her wet shoes sinking into the grass with each step. Lily started towards the gargoyle statue that she had used to sneak out, but Narcissa was turning towards the quidditch shed, and really, Lily thought, she had come too far to not follow her back inside.

Narcissa unlocked the shed and slipped inside, Lily close behind. Narcissa had left out the chest from which she had stolen the quaffle, and she replaced the red ball before returning the chest and her broom to their proper places. She made her way through the narrow shed to the back wall where there was a small door hidden behind a bunch of propped-up school brooms with cracked handles and missing twigs. Narcissa pushed it open and stood aside to let Lily pass through first.

“Where does that lead?”

“Inside,” Narcissa said simply. When Lily hesitated, she rolled her eyes. “I’m not going to hex you if that’s what you’re worried about.”

It was, but Lily wasn’t about to admit that. She kept a firm grip on her wand just in case as she stepped forward. She had to bend nearly double to get through the door, and when she lit her wand, she found a set of wooden stairs leading down into the darkness. She started slowly down them, and she could hear Narcissa’s footsteps creaking after her. She could straighten up more and more as she walked until she found herself at the bottom of the stairs in a narrow tunnel that only led towards what she could only assume was the castle.

“You know, there are plenty of other passages out of the castle that are hardly this claustrophobic,” Lily said.

Narcissa didn’t respond, so Lily just kept walking, holding her wand out in front of her to keep from tripping over random roots and stones in her path.

After what felt like far too long, she reached a set of stone steps leading up towards a solid expanse of stone wall. At the top, Lily pressed her hand against it, and Narcissa just groaned, shouldered past her, tapped her wand against one of the stones. The wall seemed to shimmer for a moment, and then it disappeared and Narcissa and Lily emerged into the first floor corridor near the darkened transfiguration classroom. When Lily looked back, the wall had reappeared behind them, looking every bit as solid as the rest of the corridor.

It was only then that Lily realized just how cold she was and just how heavy her sodden clothes felt. She cast a drying charm on herself and then turned to Narcissa who was still fumbling in her robes for her wand, her jaw set hard to keep her teeth from chattering. Lily cast the charm on her too and was rewarded with a mumbled, “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it,” Lily replied.

She was just about to leave for real when she heard a soft curse behind her. She spun around just in time to see a scrawny brown cat with bright yellow eyes sitting calmly at the end of the corridor, just staring at them. They stood frozen there for a long moment before Mrs. Norris hissed, and then ran out of view, probably to go get…

Lily heard loud footsteps from somewhere in the distance.

“Filch,” she whispered.

“This way,” Narcissa hissed. She grabbed Lily’s wrist and yanked her around a corner, pushed a tapestry out of the way, pulled Lily into a small niche barely big enough for one person to fit in. The only light came from the flickering torches in the sconces on either side of their hiding place. They cast dancing shadows across Narcissa’s face as she lifted one finger to her lips.

Lily strained her ears to listen for Filch’s footsteps, every muscle in her body tensed and waiting for him to rip the tapestry aside and find them even as she struggled to tear her eyes away from Narcissa’s lips.

They stood there for what felt like an eternity before Lily finally broke the silence.

“I think the coast is clear,” she whispered. “We could probably leave.”

Narcissa hummed in agreement, but she didn’t make any move to leave. Nor did Lily.

Lily’s heart was still pounding, but she was no longer sure whether it was the adrenaline or something else. She was pressed so close against Narcissa that she could hear just how shaky Narcissa’s breath was. And only then did she realize that Narcissa had never let go of her wrist.

Lily wasn’t sure what finally made her do it, but the next thing she knew, she was closing the limited space between them, pressing her lips hard against Narcissa’s. Narcissa made a muffled noise of surprise, but then she was kissing Lily even harder, tangling her fingers in Lily’s hair, her hand moving from Lily’s wrist to the small of her back to pull her even closer. It was all hunger and passion and adrenaline, and then in an instant, it was over. Narcissa pulled away and stared wide-eyed at Lily like she didn’t know what she had just done, but this time Lily knew what was coming.

“Wait,” she said. This time it was Lily’s turn to grab Narcissa’s wrist an instant before she could storm off again.

“What?”

If Lily didn’t know better, she would have sworn there was a glassy sheen forming in Narcissa’s eyes. “Should we…I don’t know—“

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Narcissa said sharply, cutting Lily off before she could get any further.

“Okay,” Lily said. She released Narcissa’s wrist and held up her hands in a silent surrender.

Narcissa frowned and wrinkled her nose. “Okay?”

“Okay,” Lily repeated. “Go then.”

Narcissa raised an eyebrow. “Is this a trick? You’re going to run off and report me as soon as I turn my back?”

“No trick,” Lily said. She readjusted her bag on her shoulder and reached for the tapestry. “Just go. Here I thought maybe after all of this we could just be, I don’t know, civil to each other at least? Considering…everything? But I guess I should know better than to trust a Black by now.

A funny expression crossed Narcissa’s face then. “Do you?” she asked.

“What, know better?”

“Trust me,” Narcissa said.

Lily didn’t know how to answer that, so she just didn’t say anything at all. She didn’t leave, though, and Narcissa seemed to be studying her like she was a spell in a textbook that Narcissa couldn’t quite get the hang of.

Somewhere in the distance, a bell was tolling two o’clock. The adrenaline of the night was starting to wear off, and there was an exhaustion creeping into Lily’s bones that she knew was going to make tomorrow miserable no matter how soon she got to bed. She couldn’t keep this up forever.

“Look,” she said. “I’ll be in the library tomorrow night after dinner. I’ll be there late if you feel like talking when we’re not both half-dead on our feet. If not, then our paths won’t have to cross again and maybe that will make both of our lives easier.”

Narcissa didn’t say anything, so Lily just pushed the tapestry aside and slipped out into the darkened corridor. She walked as far as the corner before she heard a soft voice behind her.

“Good night.”

She stopped, and for a moment, she wanted to turn around, but she had already said all that could. So she just steeled herself, pulled the strap of her bag tighter on her shoulder, and walked away without looking back.


End file.
